IC Inbox | Carlos Oliveira

[sendinthedelta]

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Carlos Oliveira ⬤ Resident Evil 3 (2020)
residential district ⬤ Level 2
moonblessing ⬤ Sanguis

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[sendinthedelta]

[At least one thing makes sense now - how Jill had been rendered unconscious by the infection Nemesis literally injected into her but still managed to fight it off long enough for him to get the vaccine that ultimately saved her. She had a natural resistance. Maybe he did, too, given how often he got chewed on but never turned.

But to use that boon against her...

He didn't know this man from Bob but boy if he ever met Wesker face to face no amount of T-Virus running through his veins was going to keep Carlos from slamming him into the nearest wall and wailing until he was exhausted. Might get him killed. Still be worth it.]

You're a survivor. You always have been.

[It's all he can bring himself to say, and even as the words leave him he realizes there's an emotionless flatness about his tone as well.]

You don't have to apologize for that.

[torsion]

[ Jill hadn't quite understood it at the time, but she knew that the virus itself had adapted within her and only added to her abilities of immunity. She still owed him for staying with her through all of it, especially when he wasn't sure which side to trust. He still had stayed with her, carried her off to safety and then risked his life for the experimental antivirus. It wasn't about owing, even. It wasn't a trade-off anymore. The bond they had now transcended universes and different versions of themselves and the past and the future. ]

Always been tenacious as hell, that's for sure.

[ Jill circles her index finger around the rim of her glass, staring into the golden liquid as if willing it to silence the world around them. It's too quiet already, though. Like the walls have closed in and it's just the two of them and Jill finds herself uncertain of this all. Not quite like he's a stranger, but as if she knows him too well. She lifts the glass to her mouth and speaks quietly after taking a hearty drink. ]

I'm still overwhelmed some days. I can eat what I want, dress how I want -- no more of that goddamn battlesuit clinging to every part of my skin now -- and I can take a damn hot shower. It feels so foreign sometimes and I just... choke. [ Jill has never been the type to be vulnerable or show anything beyond subtlety when it comes to what she's thinking or feeling; she closes herself off and keeps people at an arm's length, not wanting the attention. She doesn't know anymore. ] I've never lived a normal life and now that it's all here, pulling me in, I'm not even sure I know how to deal with it. There are some friendly faces here, but you're the first person I've been close to that's shown up. I just want you to know how grateful I am to see you, even if you're... different. You're still the same man I knew. I think, anyway.

[ It's not easy for her and it shows in how her brow furrows and she seems visibly uncomfortable saying these things, like she worries that by saying these things she'll lose what's most precious to her. Like acknowledgement is a curse. ]

[sendinthedelta]

[He can tell. He would have offered her a hug if he wasn't relatively certain that the last thing she wanted after being that open and vulnerable with him was pity, even perceived pity.

He didn't pity her, though. Far from it. He was angry that she was subjected to such hells just because of her proximity to Umbrella via the Spencer Mansion incident. Because of Wesker. She had suffered plenty before Racoon City and during yet those disgusting monsters in human skin at the very top valued paper over human lives but rather than seeing her as expendable they saw her as another experiment to poke and prod at.

It was nauseating.]

I think even if everything doesn't line up, we're still... us. Everything I've seen about you so far is still the same Jill I met back then. Physical changes don't really mean shit when we went through basically the same hell.

[He sighs, putting his hands on the counter and folding them for lack of anything better to do.]

I can't bring back 'normal' for you, Supercop. Even if I wanted to I don't think there's any way to, after all that. The best I can do is be here when you need me.

[torsion]

[ Another time, maybe. It isn't an unappealing idea, but she's stubborn and stuck in her ways. For now, distance feels safer and less ill-defined; it has walls that are absolute.

Besides that, time would hand her more clarity and she could always use that in her personal relationships. ]

Yeah? I feel the same. You've still got a good and generous heart. Too welcoming for your own good. [ Even if he hid behind flirting or pretending to be normal, she couldn't fault him for that. Not only because she did the same, but because she knows what he went through before Umbrella. ] I didn't like you at first, but it was easy to learn to trust you. I can't really say that for anyone else.

[ How much does he know about her past, about the mansion incident, about anything, really? The question lingers between them, but it doesn't factor in to her affection for him. ]

No, I agree. I wouldn't even know what normal is. [ Tentatively, she leans over the table and slides her hand forward. Her fingertips splay over his, curve over his knuckles. ] I've still got your six. You're still one of the few important ones in my life.

[sendinthedelta]

[He knows. It can be frustrating on his end but he has a shocking amount of patience and is always willing to wait for her to come to him about these things. He knows better than to force someone with her temperament to talk when she doesn't want to. It's not about wearing her down, but letting her meet her own needs at her pace.

He is glad that she doesn't pull away, though, and in fact returns some of that small but meaningful affection.

He gives her a smile at her words as well, worry still needling in his features. He's going to be concerned about her. There's just no way out of that.]

Same. I'm gonna be here no matter what, okay? Whatever you need, just call on me.

[torsion]

[ In some ways, she's gotten better with communication. In others, she remains the same or it is just as cloaked, kept beneath layers of uncertainty and pin pricks of normalcy. When you involve intimacy in your relationships, it complicates things. It makes loss that much harder; it damages you more when things go awry. Gouges, making the bones brittle and crack rather than a scratch on the surface of the skin. Sometimes visible, sometimes not. But the chance of that loss is hard to weigh out and consider as worthy, even in regard to people she is definitely close to like Chris or Barry. It's a delicate balancing act and one she has her own scale for.

It hasn't been working as well as she'd like it to so far. It isn't on her side, she thinks.

But she manages to let the scale tip a little more in one direction, with the warmth of contact. It spirals up in wisps from moonlacing, making it feel nearly addictive, but it's hardly all that she feels. In his case were the magic of Lunatia removed it would still offer something with more depth. The tips of her middle and forefinger shift in small, kneading movement. Not quite a massage with how it lacks in generosity, but it's nearly there. ]

I'm glad that's out of the way. [ It does seem to take a weight off her shoulders, nearly literal in the way she leans back more than slouches despite needing to scoot the chair inward for a better reach. ] Anything else you might want to know, I can cover for you. But now you know what the past four years have been for me. I'm still sorry if I'm... [ Her fingers move like a phantom, so minuscule it might not be noticeable. Like she means to pull away just thinking about this, but manages to catch herself. ] Distant. I've never been the type to express my feelings openly, at least not the ones that matter.

[ Because she's good at wearing the mask and being distant by pulling people closer. It's one of her greatest skills and it's become useful following Raccoon City.

Her thumb makes small crescents near his wrist. ]

But you've come from dealing with a lot. It wasn't easy getting out of Raccoon City and there's not much to say about it, is there? But if you want to talk about it or... anything that might have been different, I don't know. That sort of thing. We can.